A Curious Phobia

Most people have considerably rational phobias, such as heights: by falling from above, you are risking your life, so to stay away from this is an innate mechanism of protection. Others have more irrational fears, such as clowns or dogs. However, even these may be understandable: one pleasant summer's day, when you are about four years old - smiling through your round cheeks and undoubtedly bowl-shaped fringes - running your happy fingers through a Dairylea Dunker cheese, while grappling a squashy strawberry in the other fist. Suddenly, like a bolt of furry lightning, a dog snatches your beloved breadstick from your clutches and you are now on your back, bawling. Your fear of dogs has been conditioned, as you unconsciously perceive them to be mean, picnic thieves, possibly scheming at every corner to trip you up (literally). And, this can be resolved with kinder treatments, such as systematic desensitisation, where a therapist will patiently go through your doggy fear, from least to most anxiety-fueling (seeing a dog may give you a shiver, compared to a puppy bounding towards you, causing mass heart palpitations and screams only fit for a horror film), and eventually, you will conquer your anxiety hierarchy and will be able to cuddle a collie without wanting to die. (Either that, or you can go through flooding, where you'll be locked in a room with your phobia, until you calm down enough to realise that there is nothing to be afraid of - or succumb to a heart attack and die.)

However, not all fears can be fixed this easily, understandably. Social anxiety - extreme fear about social situations - cannot really be cured by a list, because of it's complexity. And, I feel like one of my many (many) phobias will be pretty difficult to describe to a therapist. A little embarrassing even.

When exploring phobias in my psychology class, we agreed on common fears of heights and the deep ocean, a few about feet, one about whales. And then I pricked the bantering discussion: "oh yeah, I have a thing about cuticles-"

Cue the "wait, what!?"
and "why cuticles?"
and "what even is a cuticle?"

I know. I understand. It is a little strange. But cuticles are my secret nemesis. They cause literal cringing spasms in my core, jerking my eye line away from demonic pushing and picking. (Do not even get me started on people who bite their cuticles - I want to be drilled into the ground if I ever witness that.)

I still cannot remember at what point I thought the slither that joins your nail and finger was as grotesque as I perceive it, but I can distinctly recall begging my year 11 English partner to stop pushing back his cuticles before I screamed (consequently meaning he did this more, just to watch me suffer). It is at the stage that I cannot watch other people push back their ten evil little finger-moons, let alone touch my own, which is really where the problem lies; my mum kindly bought me a voucher to get an inclusive manicure, which I have often talked about (finally owning nails of a distinct shape, and not however the nail clippers leave them). But, they cannot touch my cuticles. So when the lovely, beaming manicurist will begin to prepare my nails for a trim, I will have to find a polite way to ask if she does not push my cuticles. That aspect is not too embarrassing I suppose: it will be explaining why she cannot touch them.

And before anyone suggests (I am looking at my psychology class here), no I will not consent to being thrown in a room, with a rampant manicurist determined to grab my fingertips.

Apologies if this article made anyone else squirm about their own phobias, or if you too have a cuticle anxiety and this has awakened the inner dread of anyone attempting to paint your nails. (Please let me know so I do not feel so isolated in my quite hilariously-odd fear.)
Also, if you have a fear of dogs, I am sorry they do not bring you as much complete joy as they do to me, especially if you were the infant that was on his back on the picnic blanket, as a stranger's spaniel sniffs around your toes.

"You need help my friend"